by Dr Claire Woollacott CPhys 

Before becoming a parent, I thought I understood boundaries. Then I tried getting a toddler into pyjamas. Suddenly, every leadership book I’d ever read felt theoretical compared to the real-world negotiation happening in my son’s bedroom. Parenting didn’t just teach me to set expectations, it taught me to hold them. In Part 2 – Emotional Intelligence in Parenting & Leadership – I explored how empathy and active listening help us respond to emotional needs with clarity and compassion. But what happens after the meltdown is soothed, the feelings are heard, and the room is calm again?

That’s when boundaries step in.

Boundaries aren’t barriers – they’re bridges. They help us move, from reaction to intention. And whether you’re managing a toddler’s bedtime or a cross-functional team, setting expectations is what makes leadership sustainable.

1 – Structure Isn’t Stifling, It’s Reassuring

Children thrive on routine. They want to know what’s coming next, even if they protest it. The same is true for teams. Predictability builds trust. It’s not about micromanaging – it’s about creating a rhythm that people can rely on.

In our house, bedtime follows a familiar arc: bath, pyjamas, stories, sleep. It’s not glamorous, but it works. And when it doesn’t – when someone’s overtired or overstimulated – the structure gives us something to return to.

At work, I’ve found that clear expectations around goals, timelines, and communication rhythms reduce anxiety and increase accountability. Recently, we were starting to lose momentum on a project because everyone had slightly different assumptions about what ‘done’ looked like. People were working hard, but in different directions. So I paused the work and set out a really clear structure: weekly check-ins at the same time each week, a shared timeline with named owners, and a short summary after each meeting capturing decisions and next steps. Immediately, the tension dropped. People stopped second-guessing each other. Instead of chasing updates, everyone knew what they were responsible for and when. The clarity didn’t just help the project – it helped the team feel more confident and less overwhelmed. At home, we set rules and reaffirm them, or we have to stop what we’re doing. One rule is don’t splash bath water outside of the bath. “Remember, we don’t splash outside the bath, splash towards the wall if you want to splash”. This way he gets to continue to have fun but in a way we are happy with.

2 – The Tightrope Between Flexibility and Firmness

One of the hardest parts of parenting – and leadership – is walking the line between being approachable and being clear. I want my children to feel heard, but I also want them to brush their teeth. I want my team to feel supported, but I also need them to meet deadlines.

I’ve learned that being liked isn’t the same as being effective. And being firm doesn’t mean being cold. It means holding space for others while holding the line on what matters.

I had a team member recently who was juggling a lot – brilliant, committed, but stretched. In our check-ins, I made space for them to feel heard, to talk openly about what was hard, and to feel genuinely supported. But I also had to be clear: a key deliverable was slipping, and the rest of the project depended on it. So I said, ‘I completely understand the pressure you’re under, and I’m here to help you prioritise, but this deadline still needs to be met. Let’s work out together what needs to shift so you can deliver it.’ They left the conversation feeling valued rather than criticised, and the work got back on track. It was the same balance I try to strike at home: empathy first, clarity always. As a disabled parent, I’ve had to be especially thoughtful about this balance. I can’t always physically enforce boundaries, so I’ve leaned into clarity, consistency, and emotional presence. With the new baby we let things slip a bit to keep the peace, and keep our toddler quiet so his baby brother could nap. We got into bad habits of dressing and undressing our son when he was more than capable of doing it himself (and it was painful for me to do), but changing that was a big upheaval for him. I held a boundary that I wouldn’t undress him before a bath. He kicked off and was not impressed. It would have been easy to give in, but I didn’t. It took quite a while, but he did it, followed by lots of praise. The next night he did it without complaining – and again received lots of praise! He now does it without us even needing to ask. The key is one thing at a time.

3 – Bedtime Routines & Workplace Goal-Setting: More Alike Than You’d Think

Bedtime routines are full of negotiation: one more story, five more minutes, a different teddy. But they’re also full of structure. The goal is sleep – and everything else supports that.

Workplace goals are similar. The objective might be a product launch or a strategic shift, but the path there needs scaffolding. Milestones, check-ins, and clear roles are the grown-up version of bath, pyjamas, and stories.

And just like bedtime, when the routine is clear, people feel safe enough to focus, contribute, and rest when needed. In work situations, when roles are ambiguous, it can be tricky to know who is responsible for what. In the past this has resulted in more members of my team turning up to meetings than was necessary – which was not a good use of time when everyone was stretched. Clear structure can be an easy fix, but pair this with clear communication and you’re on to a winner. Defined responsibilities and structured information flow builds efficiency.

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In Part 4 – Encouraging Independence & Growth – I’ll explore how, after you’ve built the structure, letting go (just a little) can be the ultimate act of leadership. From first steps to first solo projects, we’ll look at how trust and autonomy help people – and children – thrive.

My next instalment will be in September, thanks for reading,

Claire