In Part 3: Setting Expectations & Boundaries, I explored how structure and clarity create a safe foundation for both children and teams. But once that foundation is in place, what comes next?

Growth.

And growth, I’ve learned, requires space. It’s tempting to hover – to prevent mistakes, smooth over challenges, and offer solutions before they’re needed. But whether I’m parenting or leading, I’ve found that the real magic happens when I step back.

1. From Handholding to Handing Over: Teaching Resilience & Autonomy

When my toddler insists on putting on his own shoes, even if they end up on the wrong feet, I cheer him on. Not because it’s efficient, but because it’s empowering. He’s learning to try, to persist, and to trust himself.

At work, fostering autonomy means resisting the urge to micromanage. It’s about giving people the tools, context, and confidence to make decisions – even if they don’t do it exactly the way I would. Our toddler wanted to open the back gate when we got home, which can sometimes take a while. I had a cranky baby in the pram who was ready for a nap, so I just wanted to get inside but I knew if I didn’t let our son open the gate, he’d have a melt down and we’d be in a worse position. So instead, I changed my mindset, and rather than trying to hurry everything along, I focused on entertaining the baby while the toddler tried (and tried) to open the gate. After a few attempts, he succeeded, was lavished with lots of praise (even the baby clapped!) and we all got inside happy. Times like this have helped change my approach to delegation at work; not everything has to be done my way.

As a disabled parent, I’ve had to embrace autonomy early. I can’t always physically intervene, so I’ve learned to coach from the sidelines – offering guidance, not control. That mindset has strengthened my leadership more than any training course. Allowing more time – and sometimes embracing being late. Win the war but not necessarily every battle.

2. Why Failure Isn’t the Opposite of Success

Mistakes are uncomfortable. They’re messy, inconvenient, and sometimes embarrassing. But they’re also essential. In parenting, I’ve seen how small failures (a toppled tower, a forgotten toy) build resilience. They teach children that setbacks aren’t the end of the story.

In leadership, failure is feedback. It shows us where systems need strengthening, where communication faltered, and where growth is possible. On an innovative project bringing together Defence clients and wider industry a miscommunication could have proven disastrous. An industry produced document mentioned ordering (as in ordering a product), but without the context the military personnel thought the document was referencing complying with orders from superiors. That completely changed the meaning of what was proposed and could have caused major problems. However, through engagement with both sides, it was caught early and proved a valuable lesson to consider the language used ensuring understanding across the teams.

I try to model this at home and at work: we don’t hide mistakes, we learn from them. That shift, from shame to curiosity, is transformative.

3. Confidence Isn’t Taught — It’s Built

Confidence doesn’t come from praise alone. It comes from experience. From trying, failing, adjusting, and succeeding. In parenting, I’ve learned that letting my child make small decisions (which socks to wear, which book to read) builds a sense of agency.

In leadership, the same principle applies. When team members are trusted to make choices, they grow. They don’t just follow – they lead.

It’s not about letting go completely. It’s about loosening the grip just enough for growth to happen. Our toddler was running ahead down the road and not listening when being told to stop. I explained why we told him to stop (to keep him safe from the cars) and told him that if we couldn’t trust him to stop when we asked him to, then we couldn’t trust him to stay safe so we’d have to go home and not go to the fireworks. He got grumpy so we started heading home. After giving him a minute I asked if he wanted to try again. He said yes, so I explained that if he ran off, we’d have to go home as I need to keep him safe. He said he understood and held my hand the rest of the way there.

In Part 5 – Juggling Multiple Priorities – I’ll explore how parenting has sharpened my ability to triage, pivot, and stay focused under pressure. From nappy changes to programme milestones, we’ll look at how multitasking can be strategic – not chaotic**.**