by Dr Claire Woollacott CPhys 

It’s 7:42 AM. One child is crying because their toast is “too crunchy,” the other is trying to eat a crayon, and I’m negotiating peace with the emotional finesse of a UN diplomat. Sound familiar? Swap the toast for a deadline and the crayon for a budget spreadsheet – and you’ve got Monday morning in the office.

Following on from Part 1 – The Art of Influence: Motivating Without Authority – this post explores emotional intelligence: the quiet superpower that helps us lead with empathy, clarity, and calm.

1- Why “I Hear You” Might Be Your Most Powerful Leadership Tool

Parenting has taught me that emotional outbursts aren’t just noise – they’re signals. A meltdown isn’t always about the socks being “too loud”; it’s often about feeling overwhelmed or unheard. The same goes for workplace frustrations. When a colleague snaps or disengages, there’s usually a deeper need beneath the surface.

As a disabled parent, I’ve had to rely on emotional intelligence more than most. I can’t physically scoop up a child mid-tantrum and carry them away. Instead, I’ve learned to de-escalate with presence, tone, and trust – tools that translate powerfully into leadership. Recently, my toddler had one of those meltdowns that seem to arrive out of nowhere. One moment he was happily playing, the next he was overwhelmed – tears, shouting, the works. Picking him up to comfort him or moving him wasn’t an option. So instead, I focused on what I could do: regulate the emotional temperature.

I sat down on the floor nearby, softened my voice, and said, “I can see you’re having really big feelings. I’m right here.” I didn’t try to fix it immediately. I didn’t try to reason with him before he was ready. I just stayed calm, kept my body language open, and let him borrow my steadiness. Gradually, his breathing slowed. He edged closer. Eventually, he climbed into my lap, and we worked it out together.

Not long after, I found myself working with a colleague who was clearly frustrated. Not shouting or crying, of course – but the adult version: clipped answers, tense shoulders, a sense that something deeper was going on. In the past, I might have pushed ahead with the agenda or tried to “fix” the issue quickly. But that moment with my son was still fresh in my mind.

So, I paused. I softened my tone. I said, “It seems like something here isn’t landing right – do you want to talk it through?” And just like with my toddler, the shift was immediate. The tension eased. They opened up about a concern that hadn’t been voiced yet, and once it was out in the open, we could actually solve the problem.

What struck me was this: in both situations, the turning point wasn’t authority, or logic, or a perfectly crafted argument. It was emotional presence. It was showing someone – big or small – that I was listening, that I wasn’t threatened by their feelings, and that I was willing to meet them where they were.

That’s a skill I didn’t learn in a leadership course. I learned it on the nursery floor.

I think of emotional intelligence as a thermostat – not reacting to the heat but adjusting it. Whether at home or at work, I try to regulate the emotional climate, not amplify it.

2 – The Mirror Effect: Validation Before Solutions

In both parenting and leadership, people want to feel seen. Active listening – not just hearing words but tuning into emotion and intent – is a gamechanger.

When my son says, “I hate this!” about being at doctors, I’ve learned to respond with “It’s really frustrating, isn’t it?” before moving to solutions. That moment of validation softens resistance. My son has lately started saying he hates his new toothpaste. He’s right, it’s more minty than his previous one, but it’s aimed for older children as his needs have changed. I told him that I heard him, and I know it’s difficult to get used to new things. I then explained it’s different because he’s becoming such a big boy and now his big boy teeth need different ingredients to keep them healthy. He understood, saying he didn’t want his teeth to fall out so he could still eat sweets, and did his teeth even though he said he didn’t like it. At work, I’ve found the same principle applies. When a team member expresses frustration, jumping straight to fixes can backfire. But pausing to say, “I can see why that’s annoying” builds trust and opens the door to collaboration. For example, recently a colleague was struggling with the commute, so I empathised with her before trying to find solutions – after all we didn’t want to lose her!

It’s like holding up a mirror – reflecting someone’s feelings back to them so they feel understood. Only then can you move forward together.

3 – The Quiet Superpower: Solving Problems Without Raising Your Voice

Emotional intelligence isn’t just about being kind – it’s strategic. It helps us read the room, anticipate reactions, and tailor our approach. In parenting, it’s the difference between a power struggle and a teachable moment. In leadership, it’s the difference between resistance and buy-in.

With my kids, I’ve had daily practice in reading non-verbal cues, managing emotional transitions, and staying calm under pressure. These aren’t soft skills – they’re survival skills. And they’ve sharpened my ability to lead with clarity and compassion as well as problem solve. When my toddler was potty training, he did really well, but then started having accidents again. He seemed upset before these accidents and I managed to decipher that he wanted some privacy, so I built him a den with a few blankets and put a potty inside it. He seemed much happier with that, no more accidents – and it soon became an exciting place to be aside from toileting.

If emotional intelligence helps us respond, then setting boundaries helps us lead. In Part 3 – Setting Expectations & Boundaries – I’ll explore how bedtime routines and project deadlines have more in common than you’d think…

Claire